My Blog Has Moved!

I've relaunched my blog on Wordpress California Love Letters!

Sadly, this will be the last post on Becoming British. However, there is good news--great news, actually. With the help of my awesomely amazing husband Darren, I've relaunched my blog: California Love Letters! I'm super excited about my new blog, not only because it will be dedicated largely to my love of California, but the design was the first collaboration of this kind Darren and I have done, and I couldn't be any prouder than our baby, California Love Letters, than I am today.

California Love Letters is the home for my blog, and will completely replace Becoming British, so please, please, please bookmark and/or update your RSS feed with http://californialoveletters.com!

You'll still be able to find the posts from my Blogger site on California Love Letters, and of course, I'll be adding new bits as I go along. Let me know what you think of the new site.

I'd love to hear from you!

It's Pancake Tuesday!

Today is Pancake Day in Britian (also known as Shrove Tuesday, Fat Tuesday or Mardi Gras in other parts of the world). Even though I am not at all religious, this is one religious day I can get on board with--even if it is only to stuff my face with pancake goodness.

According to Wikipedia's entry on Shrove Tuesday:

Pancakes are associated with the day preceding Lent because they were a way to use up rich foods such as eggs, milk, and sugar, before the fasting season of the 40 days of Lent. The liturgical fasting emphasized eating plainer food and refraining from food that would give pleasure: in many cultures, this means no meat, dairy, or eggs.

Pancake Day is a big deal. It's the only time of year pancake mixes on prominent display, and the various pancake toppings seem to be available. And in Britain, there is surprisingly a lot of choice!

First, American or British-style? If American style, are you doing buttermilk, fruity, or pancakes with bits of bacon? How are you topping them? With maple syrup, honey, or fruit? If choosing British-style, do you go with the traditional lemon juice and sugar, Nutella, golden syrup or something savory?

In my household, we're going American-style buttermilk pancakes with maple syrup (which is Canadian--how multicultural of us, right?), and completely from scratch--the Better Homes and Gardens New Cook Book has an easy and tasty recipe.

Tell me, how do you like your pancakes?

Be Inspired: The Blogcademy in Review

Me with the headmistresses! Kat Williams, me, Shauna Haider and Gala Darling.
Photo courtesy Lesley Burdett Taylor, Infinity Photographic

I attended The Blogcademy just over a week ago, and my head has been swirling with inspiration ever since. The Blogcademy is a strategy-based workshop to help bloggers find inspiration, refine their online brand, learn how to make money through blogging, and network with other like-minded individuals who are passionate about blogging. As I said, the entire experience kind of blew my mind.

I'd always wanted to take my blog to the next level--increase readership, and perhaps make my blog a way of marketing "brand me" to the greater world so I could find a job I truly love. The Blogcademy gave me so many ways to achieve both these objectives and so much more.

The first day of the workshop focused on getting "blogcadettes," as we've dubbed ourselves, inspired and thinking about regular features which could be posted to our blogs. There was a section on blog monetization, the importance of social media, and a discussion about how to do a brand-audit to make sure your online brand is conveyed consistently across the Internet. I think most of us left at the end of the day overwhelmed by all the amazing, new ideas we'd gotten in day one alone.

Day two was equally good. There were more in-depth discussions about diversifying a blog's income sources, how to build a new brand, or go about rebranding an existing one, and a section on photography. I think the most interesting part of day two for me was learning how to build a brand from scratch. I've been thinking for a few months now about the direction I'd like to take my blog, and what kind of design I'd like my blog to have which will clearly convey my blogging brand. It's still a work in progress, but I definitely learned a few things which will help me focus and hopefully relaunch my blog in the coming months.

There was a bit of technical talk throughout the two days--talk of which blogging platforms are best, etc.--but most of the information was really around strategy and how to turn a blog into a business of sorts.

Perhaps the best part of The Blogcademy, however, were all the chances we had over the two days to connect to fellow bloggers and the headmistresses (Gala Darling, Shauna Haider and Kat Williams). There is such great value in being able to bounce ideas off fellow bloggers, and discuss in detail plans for taking your blogging to the next level. And the headmistresses were available during all the breaks to ask questions, which was absolutely brilliant. The Blogcademy community for the London sessions was so enthusiastic that we've already tentatively planned a day out in Cambridge for April.

The venue was beautifully decorated, and totally on-brand.

These were the key takeaways I had from the two-day workshop:

• I need to seek out and follow more blogs I find interesting. It's a great way to get inspiration and learn more about what types of blogs/posts you like to read, and what types of blogs/posts you don't like, and hence, will avoid in your own blog.
• I need to make more of an effort to gather "inspiration items" to help develop my brand. One of the quotes we were given during The Blogcademy was from Jonas Peterson, "You will never find your style. Style will find you." Maybe the same goes for branding, but I think the best way to formulate style is to gather inspiration and follow it.
• I need think about my blog's content and direction--where do I want to go/what do I want to achieve? This has not been a small task for me. I've been racking my brain for the past week thinking about where exactly I want this blog to go, and what I hope to achieve. It's taken a bit of soul-searching, but I think I'm getting ever closer.
• Social media is important. Social media can be what makes or breaks you brand, and for many bloggers, is what directs traffic to their blogs. Being active, sharing content that is not just your own, and conveying a consistent message across all social media outlets is super important. Not only that, but I think being true to yourself is important. If you put up a front, people will catch on, and your brand could be tarnished forever.

If you have a blog, and are interested in taking your blogging the next level, or even if you don't have a blog and are looking for some inspiration to get started, check out The Blogcademy--the ever-amazing headmistresses could be in a city near you soon!

The Blogcademy is Almost Here!

Tomorrow is the second of The Blogcademy workshops being held in London, and I am super excited to be part of it. I booked on a bit of a whim after accidentally (a happy accident!) coming across Gala Darling's blog via BitchBuzz (RIP), and thought it sounded like a fab way to give myself the kick up the arse I need to take my blog to the next level.

Blogcademy is a two-day workshop focusing on all things blog-tastic: strategy, branding (which I'm especially looking forward to), inspiration and more. I've also heard promises of sparkles, cupcakes, and excellent goodie bags in addition to all the great information that will be shared by headmistresses Gala Darling, Kat Williams (Rock n Roll Bride) and Shauna Haider (Nubby Twiglet).

I've got my business cards printed, my bag is mostly packed, and I am ready for tomorrow. Now I just hope I can get enough sleep tonight to keep me going!

Dublin in a Weekend

My husband and I spent the past weekend in Dublin to celebrate my 30th birthday. I asked a Dublin-based colleague for some ideas, and these were her suggestions:

1. Guinness Storehouse
2. Trinity College--Book of Kells
3. Christ Church Cathedral
4. Dublin Castle

She also recommended buying a ticket for the Hop On-Hop Off Bus Tour.  It turns out that there are two different companies offering these tours, but they seem to take very similar (if not, the same) route, and cost the same amount of money (€18). We took the City Sightseeing Dublin tour, which turned out to be quite good in the end. Check the website--they seem to offer discounts occasionally if you book online. They also offer discounts at many of the tourist sights when you show your ticket, but it may be worth checking to see if booking those online is more cost-effective too.

First on our tour of Dublin was the Hop On-Hop Off bus tour. We caught the bus outside St. Patrick's Cathedral, and did almost an entire circuit, only getting off the bus once it arrived at Christ Church Cathedral. It was a good way to get a lay of the land, and take in some basic history of the city. Christ Church Cathedral was excellent, mostly because we splurged an extra €4 per person (it was my birthday, after all!) to take a guided tour of the bell tower where we got to ring the bells.

Christchurch Cathedral

After the cathedral, we headed back to the Temple Bar area to find lunch. Dublin is a fun city to wander through, and we stumbled upon several shops that specialized in the sale of American candy (not too surprising considering the number of American accents overheard during our visit). While we stopped to have a browse, I showed great restraint and did not purchase anything.

We eventually made it to Trinity College to see the Book of Kells. I had a difficult time getting excited about this one, but loved the Long Room in the library. What's most disappointing about the Book of Kells exhibit is that it's €9 per person for a self-guided tour that will take you less than an hour. I've done better tours including audio guides here in the UK for £8. If you're visiting in peak tourist season, forget it--I'm sure it's an absolute nightmare. Walk around Trinity's campus instead.

Sunday was dedicated to touring the Guinness Storehouse. Price of admission was €15.50 per person with the Hop On-Hop Off bus ticket (though would be even cheaper if booked online), and included a pint of Guinness in the Gravity Bar at the end of the tour. This was probably the highlight of the trip; I cannot resist a decent beer, and I love a good brewery tour, and considering this was self-guided, it was really well put together. It was also the first time I ever tried Guinness, and to my surprise, I found it quite lovely.

Part of the exhibit explaining the role of Coopers

Finally, as our tour of the Guinness Storehouse took only a few hours, we poked around the shopping district a bit more, and visited a yarn shop called This is Knit so I could pick up some yarn or a project as a souvenir. I couldn't find any patterns in the shop for the Irish yarns on offer, so instead opted for a shawl kit they were selling which contained a ball of yarn, the pattern and a crochet hook packed in a cute little burlap bag for €18.95. Perhaps a bit pricey, but it should keep me entertained in the next few weeks.

Dublin is a great mini-break destination. Below is a map to help you get a lay of the land, and a better idea where the sights are located. Take a look at my Dublin Yelp list for reviews of all the sights and more!


View Dublin in a Weekend in a larger map

Map legend:

Five Reasons I'm Excited about 2013

1. I'm moving back to California come Hell or high water, earthquakes or wildfires

One of many lovely vistas in San Francisco on a sunny day.

This has been a long time coming. I've been unsettled in London for most of the time I've lived here, and have decided upon returning from my most recent trip to America that I do not need to deal with this anymore. Maybe it's homesickness, or maybe my heart never left (the reason I like to believe). Often shrouded in fog, and surprisingly chilly in summer, San Francisco is my favorite city in America, if not the world. It's absolutely gorgeous in the sunshine (if you find yourself there on a sunny day, admire the views from Twin Peaks or Buena Vista Park), is awesomely diverse, and has some of the best shopping and food the West Coast has to offer. 

San Francisco isn't my only draw back to the Bay Area. I loved driving in the hills surrounding the bay, going to the beaches (even if they were a bit foggy and cold sometimes!) driving along Highway 1, and drinking in all the amazing scenery (and wine) the area had to offer.

I've only been back once since I moved to London, but it's the only place that's felt like home in the past three years.

2. I am going to find a job/career about which I am truly passionate

I have been in a rut. While moving to London to work was an amazing opportunity, the mistake I ultimately made was making a completely lateral move that offered no significant opportunities to challenge myself and really push me out of my comfort zone. By which I mean, my job was almost the same, but working with a European team rather than an American team. Hence, I've been in a rut. 

Over the past few months, I've been chatting with colleagues, and networking in attempts to find a new job here in London. That, in itself, has been challenging, but also a bit suffocating. Yes, the people I've talked to have been lovely, especially the colleagues who have suggested exercises to structure my job search, but as an expat on a Tier 2 visa, I'm limited to looking for jobs within my current company. Opportunities in Europe are few and far between, and those that do exist either don't match my interests, or I don't fit the qualifications. It's quite unfortunate, really as I am truly excited about the tech industry and what it has to offer, and I really felt I could have picked up some excellent experience and skills more quickly if I stayed in London.

I know that there is still a long road ahead to achieving this, but I do hope that moving to back to America, reconnecting with former colleagues and friends, and getting back to Silicon Valley will help me find something that ticks all the boxes.

3. This blog is getting a makeover!

Before I went back to the US for Thanksgiving, I was surfing the Internet, and came across what I thought would be an amazing opportunity: to attend one of the Blogcademy workshops in London. In early November 2012, I attended a professional development workshop, the Women in Business Superconference, and found it really motivating and inspiring. It was a group of about 100 women networking, learning strategies to improve networking skills (I'm looking forward to trying my 60-Second pitch at the Blogcademy), finding new opportunities internally, and generally moves to boost one's career. 

I'm hoping Blogcademy will be equally inspiring, and will finally give me the tools and motivation I need to take my blog more seriously. Blogcademy was set up by Gala Darling, Kat Williams (Rock n Roll Bride) and Sauna Haider (Nubby Twiglet)--each truly talented in their respective fields--to inspire bloggers, increase readership and develop a blogging brand among other things. All are elements I'm interested in and excited to learn about in the next few weeks. 

In excitement and anticipation, I've already set a goal to post at least once a week, and I've got ideas for a blog redesign and content overhaul in the coming months--writing about expat life after I've moved back to the US might be a bit silly. Hell, if this all goes swimmingly, I might achieve that dream of finding a job I love, or using new skills to find a job I love!

4. Europe is my oyster, and I plan on seeing more of it before I leave

While moving back to California doesn't mean that I will no longer venture this side of the Atlantic, it does mean it will be a bit trickier to plan trips to other countries and cities here. Even though the year has just begun, I'm already heading to Dublin next weekend, hopefully to Edinburgh in February and Prague anytime between now and my move back to America. 

The first year I was in London, I was incredibly cash-strapped. I had my suitcases packed to the brim, enough money in my US bank account to get me by for a month, and just enough money to cover my expenses after that. It was rough, and meant that I was limited in travel options. However, I did manage to visit my husband when he was working at CERN in Geneva, Switzerland, Amsterdam (I still don't know what all the fuss is about) and Brussels, Belgium (for work, but ended up being good fun as I was there over a warm, sunny weekend). The second year here, I ended up falling terribly ill, and this past year felt I'd spent enough money on a wedding and had ventured to Australia for the honeymoon (not to mention this past summer was the one to be in London). 

Excuses for previous years aside, I will see more of Europe before I move to America.

5. I'm going to become a "badass mother who don't take no crap off of nobody"

The last few years, and the last year especially, have been a real chink in my armor. Before I moved to London, I saw myself as quite confident and self-assured. But over the last year, I've really felt my confidence wain. Maybe it's because I'm not nearly as fashionable as the other girls walking down the high street, or maybe it's because I've been looking for a job for months with no success, but I don't feel I have the confidence I once had, and as a result, I've become less and less happy with my life. 

So this year it ends. I think one massive change that will make a difference is getting back to California where I hope I can reconnect with friends and former colleagues. One thing that's made London incredibly difficult for me is how difficult it is to make new friends here. The best chance most expats have at making new friends is befriending fellow expats, but as it's an ever-changing community, one quickly finds all her friends are gone in the blink of an eye.

Another way I'm attacking confidence issues is to continue giving my wardrobe an overhaul. London is most definitely a fashion city, and I've felt pretty out of place for a long time. After being well and outgrowing must of my old clothes, I decided it was time to start dressing more like the woman I want to be, but still being true to myself. I've not gotten too far in this mission, and after spending many consecutive weekends on Oxford Street, Chelsea high street and in Westfield White City, I decided it was time for a break (not to mention that shopping areas are mad between mid-November to early February). 

Really, this one is all about restoring my confidence and remembering, I AM a "badass mother who don't take no crap off of nobody!"

If you've not seen Cool Runnings, you should--it's totally badass.

So that's it. Five reasons why I'm excited for 2013. Anyone else excited for the year ahead?

London, I Think It's Time to Break Up

Dear London,

We've been together for just over three years. We've shared some good times, and we've shared plenty of bad, but I think it's come time that you and I call it quits.

Yes, 2012 was a fantastic year. First, we celebrated the wedding between me and my husband. It was a fabulous day here in Richmond--the setting was perfect, and everything went according to plan (even the weather cooperated). Then we celebrated along with the rest of the country the Queen's Diamond Jubilee. Unlike me and my husband, the Queen did not get sunshine on her special day, but rather had quite a miserable day for her celebration. Despite that slight hiccup, people still went out in droves to share in Her Majesty's special day.

And then the Olympics came. London, this event was your crowning glory, and I can say with confidence that it is an experience that I will not long forget. The torch passed through my borough twice, and both times the atmosphere was amazing. On a typical day, people seem aloof and unfriendly, but the Olympics had the power to utterly transform the people who call this city home. It was the most welcoming atmosphere I'd felt since I moved in 2009. It was so wonderful, that I found myself rallying behind Team GB even when there were competitors from my beloved Team USA. For once, I was proud to be [somewhat] British. With athletes like Mo Farah, how could you not be excited?

All the excitement from the Olympics elevated my spirits and my expectations of you, London. I started planning my next career move last year, and instead of focusing on moving back to America, I decided to give Britain, you, London, a try. I attended more networking events at work, a professional development seminar, and started getting myself out there and pushing myself out of my comfort zone. Hell, I even signed up for a workshop called the Blogcademy so I could network more and improve my blog on expat life within your borders.

And then I went back to America for Thanksgiving. It's one of my favorite holidays, and I'm a bit bitter that a holiday of such gluttony, shopping and getting together with friends and family doesn't exist here (and I don't mean Christmas + Boxing Day). I had a brilliant time--one of the best times I've had in the past year--a tall order considering all the good times we've had together this year. But the problem was that it was almost too good. I came back to you December 2 and felt instantly rejected. Almost like you were upset with me because I had too much fun with my family, friends and cats in America. Like you thought I'd cheat on you with Chicago because I do, in fact, find it a lovely city with far friendlier people. Or maybe it was just that 2012 was such a fantastic year for us, that there is nearly nothing left for you to give.

I've done my part to try to make things work, but it's not been good enough, and I dunno what you could possibly give to me now that I couldn't get back in America. Sure, you provide more safety in some cases, but you don't provide the things that make me truly happy. You've not helped me build enough lasting friendships (though those I have built, I will treasure forever), I have no close family here, and I do not have to two little critters I left with my family when I moved here, K2 and Whitney. Not to mention the sunshine, ocean views, and fantastic beach towns I miss from California.

Maybe I'm just homesick at the end of the day, but London, we're through.

Best regards,

Carrie

An Anniversary

Today marks one year since I had the strictureplasties for my Crohn's, and I am happy to say that I am [still] doing brilliantly.

No pain, no niggles, no uncontrollable symptoms. Business is as usual as it can be for me (if you have Crohn's, your version of "normal" is completely different from that of a healthy person).

It's actually difficult for me to remember all the pain and suffering I went through last year when I was ill. And even though I was in hospital for nearly three months last summer, I barely remember any of it. It's amazing how the mind tends to forget the difficulties in life so we can move on and focus on the good things.

Since I've been feeling well, it's been my mission to make the most of the good days (or at least try!). I restarted running in November--and again in June after a break from April through May--and have tried my best to eat healthfully. I planned a wedding in three months, got hitched in April and then travelled to Australia (absolutely amazing place, by the way) for the honeymoon. In a sense, I feel like this year's life theme has been "go big, or go home," and I love it.

For those of us with Crohn's, this is a life-long disease, but with a bit of perseverance, we can win the battles, and enjoy our lives. Make the most of the good days, and you'll hardly remember the bad.

Coffee Crisis 2012

It's like the Exxon Valdez... a coffee spill in my kitchen.

After living in the UK for nearly three years, I've finally managed to re-establish my hardcore coffee addiction.

In Britain, coffee usually comes in instant form, and as one might imagine, it's not the tastiest. Because tea is a much more popular hot beverage in Britain, most people don't have coffee makers, instead opting for electric kettles. As such, kettles are considerably less expensive and easier to find than coffee makers, so that is what I went for when I moved here. It was difficult enough getting my flat set up without a car, and I really had to pinch pennies after the move, so I was not prepared to hunt for a coffee maker.

Fast forward to today. I've recently gotten into Twitter, and after following my local council, I discovered a coffee place called Astrora Coffee in nearby Teddington. At first, I thought they may be another coffee shop flogging coffee beverages, but it turns out that they don't sell coffee beverages at all--they only sell coffee beans and coffee making accessories. Not wanting to completely waste my trip (and miss out on delicious coffee at home), I decided to buy a pour-over coffee funnel, paper filters and some coffee beans. I excitedly took my new purchases home, and instantly rekindled my love for black coffee.

Pour-over coffee really isn't that much different from a drip-coffee maker one may have in their kitchen in America. Instead of relying on the coffee maker to do all the work, I have to boil the water separately and subsequently pour it over the ground which I have set up in the funnel. The beauty of this process is that it can be done quite easily for a single cup, and it's quick. The downside, as the picture shows, is that it's possible for the coffee to overflow if your cup is smaller than expected. I realise a french press would eliminate this issue, but I really don't like the oiliness of the coffee associated with the method.

After much success with my first 250 grams of ground coffee, I went back to the shop and bought a hand coffee grinder, another 250 grams of whole bean Tanzania, and 125 grams of decaf Guatemala. The hand grinder has turned out to be quite a bit of work, but totally worth it. I'm so happy to be reunited with my favouritest beverage ever.

Name Change

It has been a hectic few months, and I cannot see things becoming any less so in the near future. I managed to make it back to America for Thanksgiving, did some travelling for work, celebrated Christmas and started wedding planning.

My health has been quite good, in fact, and I managed to regain all the weight I lost while ill and then some. I got up to 54 kilograms (approximately 119 pounds), which was a new high for me. I've trimmed a bit off in recent weeks, but I'm still at or above 50 kilograms.

In addition to successfully regaining my weight, I've also taken up running again. I spent nine weeks on the Couch to 5k program, which I found to be incredibly enjoyable. Even better were the Couch to 5k podcasts posted on the NHS website. The aim of Couch to 5k is to get people who do not run running for 30 minutes at a time in nine weeks. Weeks 1 through 6 have participants running for a few minutes with walking breaks between. So week 1 for example is one minute running, one minute walking eight times, and progresses to 90 seconds running, two minutes walking in week two and so on. It felt like quite an accomplishment to get to 30 minutes of non-stop running at the end. Unfortunately, I had a bit of a set-back a few weeks after completing the program consisting of knee and ankle pain. I figured this might have resulted from over-training, so I decided to pick up Couch to 5k from week 5, and go from there. Additionally, I received a heart rate monitor for my birthday, so I am using that to ensure I do not over-train. My pace has been almost painfully slow since using the heart rate monitor, but it does ensure that my workouts are not overly strenuous, and has been a good indicator of effort.

Besides trying to lead a healthier existence, my boyfriend and I have been busy planning for our wedding in April. A few things I've learned so far:

1. Weddings are expensive (though we realised this earlier)
2. Three months is not much time to plan a wedding
3. In an ideal world, you need more than three months to properly order a wedding dress

I had a few mini panic attacks after talking to friends who got married in the past few years, realising three months was not much time to get things done. But as I've managed to cross a few of the bigger things off my to-do list (venue, dress, etc.), I've calmed down considerably and find myself more relaxed. Don't get me wrong, we still have plenty to sort out, but we'll get there soon.

I've decided with the new year that a name change for my blog was in order. People mention on a regular basis that I'm sounding more British in terms of terminology and accent (mostly according to people who are not British), and I find myself moaning about everyday things as much as the locals. I've gotten used to rainy days, and dare I say this place is starting to feel a bit more like home. Of course, none of this changes the fact that I want to move back to California some day, but for now, I'm going to roll with the punches and see where this takes me.

Baking

Since I've been back home, my boyfriend and I have been doing a fair amount of baking. In the first two weeks, he made a batch of chocolate chip cookies each weekend. Then the weekend before last, we stopped at my favourite bakery, Outsider Tart, for some delicious baked treats (and amazing coffee). The guys that run the shop recently released a bakery book, Baked in America, which has all sorts of delicious recipes for some of the items they sell in their shop, including, but not limited to, brownies and bars, cookies, muffins and whoopie pies.

I let my boyfriend choose the first recipe as they all looked delicious to me, and I accidentally ate most of the chocolate chip cookies when he made them. He chose the recipe for the Hepburns. There was no picture for this recipe, only an introduction and the recipe itself, so I wasn't exactly sure what to expect. It turns out that these so-called Hepburns are the best tasting brownies I've ever had the pleasure of eating. Seriously. We managed to bake them just to the point where the knife came out clean when the brownies were tested, which left us with a perfectly gooey brownie.

The delicious result of the Hepburn brownie recipe from Outsider Tart's Baked in America.

Baked in America has turned out to be a great purchase. In addition to the Hepburns, I've made some delicious ginger muffins (though I'm not convinced they turned out quite right) and chocolate snickerdoodles. What makes this bakery book great, however, isn't just the amazing recipes, but the fact that it is accessible to any would-be baker, not just American bakers, nor British bakers. In America, we tend to measure things by volume: one cup, two cups, etc. Whereas in most the rest of the world, things are measured by weight (grams, kilograms, etc.). This bakery book includes measurements in both traditional American measurements as well as weight (including both imperial and metric measurements).

I've been trying the weight-method of baking since I've gotten this book. This is mostly because British butter is not sold in easy-to-use sticks as it is in America, so I'm often left to measure that by weight anyway. Even though I'm most familiar with the American way of baking, I'm actually finding baking by weight enjoyable. The best part is that I can tare the scale after the addition of each ingredient, and am actually getting fewer things dirty as a result.

With all the baked goods that have been made in the past week, it's no surprise that I've managed to gain another three pounds in 10 days. The weight gain seems to have slowed down a bit, but I think that's a result of a combination of getting out more and getting closer to my target weight. I've only got another 4.5 kilograms to get back to 50 kilograms, but I'd be happy just to reach 105 pounds again--that tends to be the lower range of my normal weight, and probably the weight I was when I was reasonably healthy here in London.

Oh What a Relief It Is

Things have been a bit busy in the past two weeks, hence the lack of updates.

I went back to work last Monday. By went back to work, I mean logged on from home as I don't think I'm technically allowed to carry the weight of my laptop plus power adapter for a total of eight weeks post-surgery. Luckily, I work for a company with flexible working practices, including the ability to work from home. This has been helpful not only from my recovery standpoint, but also when I was not feeling well enough to make the trek to the office, but not poorly enough to take a sick day.

The first week back went pretty well. I'll be honest, I was pretty useless the first few days. I was trying to regain my bearings--turns out a lot can change in three months--and refocus on some of the activities I was working on prior to being hospitalised. Whilst I'm now getting plenty of calories, which in theory should make it easier to concentrate, I've not had to concentrate much in the past three months. So the first few days were a bit challenging. Though I did find meetings easier to participate in than they were before I went to hospital because I'm no longer dealing with pain/discomfort.

By the end of the week, I had regained my bearings and met with several people who were able to steer me in the right direction in terms of the work I should be focusing on in the immediate term, and some things to think about for the mid- to long-term. While I'm still struggling to concentrate for a solid workday, I feel I'm doing better, and I think once I'm back to the office with fewer distractions, I will be functioning better than I was earlier this year.

I should point out that no one has forced, or even asked, me to return to work so soon (I'm only in week four of my recovery). I have no idea what I would have done to entertain, but not overexert myself for the six weeks after my dad went back to the States. I suppose I could have done a lot of baking, walking or knitting, but I was actually looking forward to using my brain a bit.

On Friday, I went to the surgery [doctor's office] to have the surgical staples removed from my wound. In the past, it's been a bit uncomfortable to have the staples removed, and I was not looking forward to this experience. Not only that, but I had been changing the dressing every two to four days and noticed that some of the staples looked a bit buried-- scabs had formed over some of them, and there was one that looked like it was lost in my belly button (which still exists!). The thought of the nurse digging for them totally wigged me out every time I saw them. It turns out, however, that having the staples removed three weeks on is actually less painful than having them removed within 10 days, as I had in the past. My theory is that there is less bruising by three weeks, so it's not really upsetting anything in that way.

However, having staples in for three weeks becomes a bit painful. On the Saturday prior to having them removed, I was starting to get some nasty stinging/burning sensation around near to my wound. It wasn't a consistent pain, and only really bothered me when I tried to stand or walk. Suffice to say, I stayed at home most days last week, and only went out when I needed something. Once the staples were removed, I noticed not only did the stinging/burning pain go away, but I was also able to finally stand up much straighter. And now that it's been a few days, I am back to standing and walking fairly normally.

So the staple removal turned out to be uneventful, though my wigging out a bit (I think I kept wincing and clenching my fists like I was being tortured) did not go unnoticed by the nurse. She kept asking if I was OK and needed a break. I assured her I was OK, and that I was just a little wigged out by the experience and the fact that my wound virtually has no feeling. The numbness of my wound has freaked me out for years, and I always get uncomfortable when people are poking at my tummy, or if I have to touch it more than simply rubbing it with a flat hand.

While I was there, the nurse also noticed the stitches from the incisions that were made to remove my Hickman line. They were supposed to be dissolve-able stitches, but almost three weeks later they were still there. The nurse kindly offered to take them out because she said if they had not dissolved by then, they were not going to dissolve on their own. Both the incisions are looking much better, and I no longer have to worry about the stitches catching on my shirt; I just have two more scars to add to the collection.

And speaking of scars, by new belly scar looks much, much neater than my previous ones. The scar from my first surgery was about five millimetres wide, and about eight inches long. The scar from my second surgery was directly on top of my previous incision, but was only about three millimetres wide. One of the surgeons--the one I dubbed "the serious surgeon" because of his overly serious and dry demeanour--had mentioned that they cleaned up my scars from the previous surgeries. Because of the way the wound was stapled, I could not really see what they had done, but since it has settled, I noticed that 1) my old scars are completely gone; 2) my new scar is only two millimetres or so wide. I'm guessing once it has faded, it will be virtually invisible compared to my previous two.

Me at nearly 45kg

Other than work and surgery appointments, I have not been up to much--other than gaining weight. I don't have a proper scale at home, but I do have Wii Fit Plus which has a weight-tracking capability. I decided to weigh myself the first weekend I came home from surgery. I was only up about one kilogram in that first week. Then Friday, 12 days later, I decided that I would weigh myself again. In that 12 days, I managed to pack on 10 pounds, roughly 4.5kg! That puts me near 45kg total, which is nearly halfway back to my normal weight of 50kg. So I guess my week of not going out too much and continuing to drink my supplement drinks has paid off. Even my smallest pair of jeans now fit without a belt! Win!

Perhaps when I have a minute, I will share how you, too, can gain 10 pounds in 12 days!

Fun with Stereotypes

The following excerpts were recently posted as part of a web-comic, Minor Differences, Part 4 by The Oatmeal. This is one of my favourite web-comics, and I highly recommend checking out a few of his others, namely The Bobcats and The Pterodactyl. However, if you are sensitive to "naughty" language, or have you have absolutely no sense of humour, they may best be avoided.

Courtesy of The Oatmeal, Minor Differences, Part 4

Courtesy of The Oatmeal, Minor Differences, Part 4

Home Sweet Home

I've been out of hospital for a bit over a week now, and I have to say I'm enjoying my new-found freedom. It has a been bit surreal sleeping in my own bed, enjoying my own shower and reacquainting myself with every nook and cranny of the place my boyfriend and I lovingly refer to as "tiny flat."

Last Monday I got the all clear from the surgeons who said I could leave that day. The only loose ends I needed to tie up were getting the Hickman line removed and getting a few week's worth of prescriptions to hold me over until I had a chance to get an appointment with a GP at my local surgery. Both went relatively smoothly, though removing the Hickman line was a bit interesting.


I was a bit nervous about having the Hickman Line removed for one reason or another. I mostly was worried it was going to feel really weird when it was moving out of the vein in my neck and under the skin on my chest. The first thing the lady did was feel around on my chest for where the cuff held the line in place. She needed to find this so she could inject some anaesthetic and make an incision to remove the line. Unfortunately, the anaesthetic stings like hell, and she didn't find the right place the first time. Not only that, but she didn't realise it was the wrong place until she had done a considerable amount of digging which I could feel against my sternum. It wasn't that it hurt, but it felt incredibly weird.

Eventually she found the cuff was actually located very closely to the exit site for the line, and once she numbed that area up, and made the incision, it was only a matter of seconds before the line was out. And because I had been injected with an incredible amount of anaesthetic, I didn't feel any part of it coming out--in fact, I hadn't realised it had been removed until she said all was over and showed me the line. She then proceeded to stitch me up, and told me to keep lying down for at least 30 minutes to minimise bleeding.

Once I got wheeled back to the bay, I noticed the dietitian had kindly dropped off a box of supplement drinks. I was a bit worried at first because the side of the box said strawberry, and I already have something like 72 bottles of strawberry flavoured Fortisip Compacts at home. Luckily, it was only that the box said strawberry on the side, and she had provided me with a variety of different Fortisip and Fortijuce flavours which I've been trying out over the past week. It turns out these drinks are much more palatable when I'm not feeling completely rubbish, and I've been managing three a day--an extra 900 calories total--quite easily.

Since I've been home, I've been keeping relatively busy. My dad has been here to help me carry things. Since I have an 8-inch incision running vertically down my abdomen, I am not really supposed to be lifting anything more than 10 pounds, or partaking in strenuous activities. This means that food shopping by myself is out, and I can't do too much housework. I have been managing to get out for walks around Richmond and the local area, and participating in "light" tourist activities such as a boat ride down the Thames from here to Hampton Court. I've also been cooking again, which has been really nice.

In the past week, we've enjoyed a number of delicious, home-cooked meals:
Tuesday - Spaghetti Pie and Garlic Cheese Bread
Wednesday - African Drumsticks (a Nigella recipe) and Long Grain Rice
Thursday - Yellow Curry Chicken and Jasmine Rice
Friday - Orange Glazed Pork Chops with Baked Sweet Potatoes
Saturday - Meat Loaf with Creamed Peas and Potatoes
Sunday - Meat Loaf sandwiches with Chips and Onion Rings

Not only that, but I've been able to enjoy meals out again, which has been really nice. Today, my boyfriend and I had what I'm going to call "America Day" where we went to an American deli for sandwiches followed by a trip to an American bakery. The deli--the Pickle and Rye in East Sheen--has a brilliant sandwich menu. I went for the BBQ pulled pork sandwich, and my partner opted for The Toronto. Both sandwiches were impressively large (how American of them!) and were served with a proper dill pickle spear on the side. I love dill pickles, and was quite pleased to finally have two proper dill spears (my boyfriend kindly gave me his--apparently he has not caught onto the brilliance of these things). The BBQ sandwich was also good--really good. The meat was incredibly tender, perfectly sauced and piled nicely on a soft roll with some lettuce and home made coleslaw. I was a bit sceptical about the coleslaw at first, but it offered a nice peppery flavour to the sandwich which paired well with the BBQ pork.

The American bakery--Outsider Tart in Chiswick--is a favourite place to visit on Bank Holiday Mondays. They offer a great variety of baked items one typically finds in America (whoopie pies, loads of cookies, certain kinds of cakes, etc.), and they make amazing coffee drinks. Seriously, trekking to Outsider Tart for the coffee alone is worth it. I've not had a latte with milk so smooth since I worked at Ancora Coffee Roasters my last year of university. But, if you're going to trek to Chiswick for coffee, you may as well enjoy some delicious American baked goods as well. Today we picked up two chocolate cupcakes with vanilla frosting, a lime curd bar (similar to a lemon bar but with lime) and some sort of apple crunch cake. Obviously my hunger is getting the better of me since I picked two items for myself, but we also got something for my dad, hence the four in total.

So my recovery is going remarkably well in all. I've not really used any pain relievers over the past week, and if I have it's only been paracetamol. I have a follow-up with the GP Friday to get my prescriptions sorted out, and another appointment the following Friday to have my staples removed. In the meantime I'm waiting for a follow-up with my gastro consultant and the dietitians in Kingston to see how I manage my disease going forward, and optimise my diet so I can get back to a healthy 50 kilos or so before too long.

Even though I have a load of appointments to follow-up on, at least it's been a nice change to be out of hospital and getting on with a semi-normal life.

Nothing Like a Shower to Make You Feel Better

If you ask me, my recovery is going brilliantly. I didn't wake up in excruciating pain in the wee hours of the morning the past two days, and really didn't have any pain when I woke up this morning. In fact, I discovered I can now lie on my sides and get myself out of a flat bed. Win.

Yesterday, I treated myself to a proper shower--the first one I've had since the Hickman line was placed over six weeks ago. The good thing about being on a surgical ward is that they have all kinds of different wound dressings, and managed to hook me up with a waterproof one for my incision, so I figured I'd ask for one for my Hickman line as well. I have to say, that shower felt pretty awesome.

Yesterday was also the first day I started eating normally. I was still a bit feeling a bit apprehensive/cautious, and wasn't actually feeling all that hungry either. Regardless, I managed a bowl of Rice Krispies for breakfast, 1/2 a chicken mayo sandwich (which required 10 minutes of picking off sweet corn before I could eat), 3/4 of a Build-Up soup and a Fortisip for lunch, and a chicken breast, potatoes and a Fortijuce for dinner. So not necessarily a load of food, but more than I've eaten in a long while, and with the supplements, I still managed a fair number of calories too.

I'm happy to report that what I managed yesterday settled in my digestive system with little issue. Not only that but things seems to be functioning in a relatively normal way. I think it will take a week or two for my digestive tract to remember how to process normal amounts of food, but so far I can manage things. I'm just stoked that I managed to eat a bit of meat without hurling!

I think the best thing, however, is that I am getting my hunger back. The first few days after surgery, I think the pain from the surgery was overriding my hunger, but now that I'm mostly pain-free, the hunger is back. I just hope my digestive tract can keep up.

I'm not exactly sure when I'm going to be let out of hospital. The surgical team will probably be happy to let me go tomorrow, but I think the gastro team will want to keep me until at least Tuesday. The PN stopped Friday night, so at least we will have an idea whether I can manage on my own. At the very least, I should be able to get a few days of day-leave, which would be nice now that my dad is here for a few weeks to help me around my flat during the day.

I have to say, I was a bit skeptical that recovery could be so quick given my relatively frail state, but I am quite pleased with things so far, and I cannot wait to go home.

Post-Op, Day 3

I'm in my third day of recovery following my surgery Wednesday. Things are progressing quite nicely.

Yesterday was probably the toughest day so far, though I think the day after usually is the worst. Things were quite sore, and it was difficult to move around. Not only that, but it was difficult to catch a deep breath, or even breathe at all. It's not until you've had you abdomen ripped open that you realise how important some of those muscles are to things like breathing and just supporting yourself.

Other than the soreness, things were good. The surgeons stopped by in the morning and said the catheter could come out and that I should get out and start walking about. I had to have a nurse help me out of bed the first time. Obviously it was quite painful, but my blood pressure was quite low, so I was feeling a bit woosy. She was very kind and helpful. She got me to my chair and helped me get washed. I started feeling much better once I was sitting upright, and I managed to move about on my own during the day. The surgeons also said I could be on free fluids which meant I could drink whatever I wanted.

Unfortunately, I didn't get a very good night's sleep last night. A new lady was brought into the bay last night and she snores incredibly loudly. She only seems to snore at night, or when she doesn't have an oxygen mask on. So, I managed about five or six hours of sleep. It doesn't help I wake up in a fair amount of pain at 05:30. I had requested some Tramadol for pain a bit earlier, but it is pretty useless for me. Paracetamol has actually been more effective, especially in IV form (though that early morning dose is the only one I get intravenously, the rest of the time I take it in a dissolveable tablet form.) One of the people on the surgical team prescribed another pain killer, so hopefully that will work well.

Surprisingly, I've been on oral drugs since I came out of surgery. It's true that most are in some liquid form or other, so they're easier to absorb in my current state. One is Metronidazole which is administered via an oral syringe and makes me feel like a little kid when I take it. It has a very interesting taste. Hopefully I won't be on it very long.

Today has gone pretty well so far. The surgeon stopped by and said I could work with the dietitian to reintroduce food. So when the dietitian stopped by, I had a chat with her to come up with a plan. For today, we are sticking to liquidy/soft stuff including jelly [jello], Build Up soups, Fortisip and Fortijuce. If I can keep these calories down without pain, then I can try normal food tomorrow. Additionally, I'll be getting my last bag of PN either tonight or tomorrow. Everyone agrees, that is, the dietitians I've talked to, the doctors and the surgeons, that the best way to gain weight is to eat normally.

So far everyone, including the surgeons, doctors, dietitians and myself are quite pleased with my recovery. They changed the dressing on my wound this morning, and it looks like I might have lost my belly button. The surgeon said they tidied up my previous scars, and I think this one will be much nicer. Though I have to say I'm not looking forward to having all the staples removed!

Hopefully if all goes well, I can leave the hospital Monday or Tuesday. Hell, I could be doing a lot worse like the snoring lady who had less-invasive intestinal surgery but I've unfortunately seen be sick twice. I guess she doesn't know how to take it easy! A

Recovering

I had my surgery this morning. Things went well and they only did the strictureplasties, no resecting. I spent a few hours in recovery before being moved to a surgical ward for the rest of my stay.

I'm not in too much pain at the moment, and I'm confident I will have a speedy recovery. Other good things include not having an NG tube and being able to sip water. This already puts me on a faster recovery trajectory than my previous surgeries. I suppose tomorrow they will try to get me out of bed, and we'll move on from there!

Things are Progressing

I realise that it's been awhile since I last updated. Well, to be honest, not much has been happening in the past week; that is, until today.

Last week the various teams of doctors around here had conflicting opinions on how they wanted to treat me. I couldn't even tell who was actually in charge of my care. There was a gastro consultant who had come round who confirmed the point that I needed surgery, and there was a gastro registrar who seemed to be working more closely with the dietitians who wasn't necessarily convinced that surgery was the only option, and wanted to at least do some more testing, which involved another MRI. The MRI showed that nothing had changed since the last one in April.

Yesterday, when the gastro registrar made his ward round, he said he was ready to send me on my way. I was a bit confused by this as I have barely stabilised my weight since I've been at St. George's, let alone actually gained. Not only that, but I would have been reliant on maintaining my weight by oral intake alone because the home PN program takes six to eight weeks to set up, and I've only been here for a little under two weeks. Luckily(?), I was a bit sick over the weekend, and the registrar no longer thought it was a good idea to send me home.

That meant I got to be here for ward rounds today, which were very exciting. First, the gastro consultant and his team came round. They informed me that the surgeon was back from his holidays and would be around to see me this afternoon. They also informed me that I could be having surgery as soon as tomorrow. I was a bit overwhelmed by this news, but also a bit excited. The consultant said I should prepare all my questions for the  visit with the surgeon in the afternoon.

Turns out I didn't really have that much time to prepare for the visit with the surgeon, but to be honest, I've had two small bowel resections, one with a right hemicolectomy (meaning the right side of my large intestine is gone), done in the past and I have a rough idea what to expect. It was kind of funny when the surgeon stopped by, I was on Skype over the phone with my dad, and he got to eavesdrop on the entire conversation. He's actually gotten to listen in on a few random conversations I've had with staff here because no one realises I'm on the phone when they stop by.

My main question for the surgeon was whether he thought I was fit enough for surgery. He said given my current health situation, I probably won't get much healthier, and could in fact lose ground if I decided to wait. Of course, there are risks associated with surgery, as there are with any surgery. These include bleeding, infection and the possibility of a reversible ileostomy (i.e. a poo bag that would be attached to my stomach), that would require further surgery to reverse. Knowing these risks, I'm still ready to have the surgery, and hopefully get back to a normal life soon, and since I'm having this done now, I may actually be well enough to go home for Thanksgiving! I can't tell you how disappointed I was at first when I thought I'd be stuck here for the holiday (as previous posts have pointed out, I love stuffing my face at every opportunity, and Thanksgiving really is the perfect holiday for this).

Otherwise, my stay at St. George's has been uneventful. There were a lot of discharges on the ward yesterday, and half the people in my bay are new. Two of them are also sufferers of IBDs, one with Crohn's the other colitis.

Yesterday I was served the most "interesting" pudding. It was supposed to be butterscotch rice pudding, but I think it looked more like sick. And it really didn't taste of anything. What do you think: pudding or sick?

Pudding or sick? You decide.

I Don't Want to Be Old

Being in St. George's for the past few days has certainly been interesting, and one thing I'm quickly learning is that I need to enjoy my youth while it lasts. Of the six of us ladies in this bay, I am the youngest by at least 35 years, probably 40 (I am 28, by the way). This vast age difference has made me realise that old age isn't necessarily something to look forward to. Sure, you get to retire and do whatever you want, provided your pension is adequately funded for it, but there are also several downsides to growing old.

1. Old people are sick more frequently than young people. This has been proven by the ratio of old-to-young people I have seen in hospital in the past two months. Even when I was in Kingston, I only saw a handful of people under 40 as patients on the ward. I'm sick enough as a 20-something, I'm not looking forward to being sick more frequently in old age. I guess the advantage I have is that old age is still a long way in my future, so maybe there will be some incredible medical advances when time comes.

2. Old people are either lazy or unable to do much for themselves. Sure, it sounds nice to have someone else do a lot of stuff for you, things like cook your meals or clean your house, but I dunno if I could handle having someone wheel me to the toilet or change my adult nappy (diaper).

3. Some old people are just plan crazy. The lady in the bed next to me likes to stay up at night saying, "hello? Hello? Hello?" (she's even doing it as I type this post, and actually woke me out of a sound sleep last night). Then if you make the mistake of needing the toilet when she's doing this, you get stuck trying to explain why you don't want to chat and that it's bedtime. Eventually I gave up and called a nurse for her.

Another lady here also seems a bit crazy, but the more I overhear, the more I think her situation is just overwhelming for her. She's Sri Lankan and was apparently brought to the UK for medical treatment. I don't think she knows her next of kin here all that well, and is coping a little poorly with the situation. She seems nice enough though; I even had a 5 minute chat with her earlier about some of the craft stuff I was working on (which is the most English she's spoken at one time since I've been here).

I'd also say the French lady across from me is a bit crazy because she likes to snack at random hours of the night, but she is kind of entertaining. My knowledge of French is very limited, but I can pick up on a few things when she tries speaking to me, and she seems to have a good sense of humour.

Either some of the perceptions I had of old age were wrong, or being in hospital has scarred my image of old-age. I imagined that when I got older and retired, I spend my time travelling the world, spending time with family and engaging in more of my hobbies like baking and knitting, not lying in a hospital bed waiting for someone to change my nappy.

A Change of Scenery

Yesterday, I was transferred to St. George's hospital in Tooting to hopefully get me on my way to resuming my TPN treatment at home. The transfer was a bit hectic. I was given about five minute's notice at Kingston, so I had to frantically pack my things and get ready. Turns out I accumulated a lot of stuff in the two months I was there.
I've had mixed feelings about the move so far. Tooting isn't the nicest neighbourhood, and I no longer have the privacy of my own room. On the other hand, I do think the nurses here are better at dealing with Hickman lines and administering TPN. St. George's also has the advantage of having specialist teams for pretty much everything.
After I arrived, a junior doctor sat with me for a bit to get my history. They had my notes from Kingston, but he wanted to get a bit more information for himself, and who am I to deny a Q&A session with a student if they stand to learn something (unless, of course, they are trying to stick cannulas in my arm)? Surprisingly, someone from the dietitic team also came by to introduce herself and let me know the entire team would be round Tuesday to get me on my way. I still need to figure out whether St. George's will also be taking on my surgical case, or whether I will be back at Kingston for that, but I imagine I have a few months before I have to worry about that.
The worst part of my stay so far is that I am in a bay with five other women. The lack of privacy doesn't bother me as much as they amount of noise some of them make. One likes to listen to her TV without the provided headphones. Not only that, but she likes to listen to it very loudly. Another woman makes groaning noises through the night as though she is in some in incredible amount of pain. Oddly, she does not make any of these noises during the day, when she seems to do most of her sleeping (and she wonders why she had a rubbish night's sleep). She also has a habit of closing the windows in the room even though it's roasting in here. I have a bed right by the window, am wearing shorts and a t-shirt and am just comfortable, and the nurses agreed with me that it is warm in here. Lastly, there is a crazy lady who just randomly came over to my bed last night for no reason. I think she tried talking to me, but she doesn't speak English, so I had no idea what she was on about. She also made a mess on the floor after lunch. Luckily I missed most of that event.
I really hope the home parental nutrition treatment sorted out quickly, and I can get back to a semi-normal life in Richmond soon. I don't think I can retain my sanity for much more than a week in this place.